Don't you hate it when people say "parenthese?" That is a bit off the topic of this particular historical-type blog post, but I nonetheless consider it important, because it hella bugs me (apparently we only use that slang here in California). So, just for your information, in case you didn't know already, the real singular form of "parenthesis" is simply "parenthesis."
I was assigned to write an Anne Bradstreet-style (what a Puritan!) poem, thirty lines long or more, about a traumatic incident that happened in my life that gave me a profound insight on human nature or life or something of that sort. It was to be in rhyming couplets, in iambic tetrameter, a poetic rhythm with eight syllables per line and the accent on the even syllables. I present my poem to you here, in its original, unedited, as-turned-in version. Enjoy.
I Bizzust Mad Rhizzymes Like a Pizzuritan
Upon a day filled with good cheer,
For being that great time of year,
I started ‘cause I had forgot
The forecasts were less and less hot
That summer was now near its close
Thus gone were all the summer clothes,
And so mid-August drew quite near
I tried to hide away in fear
Of a new year of middle school
That loomed before me calm and cool
Forgot were essays of all manners
Forgotten were those silly planners,
All thoughts of grammar, and the ban
On all deod’rant in a can
My mind eliminated all
Of education great and small:
Circumference, diameter,
And iambic tetrameter
But now I rhyme like Puritans
The words are now all slurred in,
Because the new year has begun,
And though it may not be so fun,
I’ve learned a lot, and so have you,
Like algebra and science too
During the summer (this is why
To middle school returned was I),
I spoke no Spanish, nor read lit,
Nor at my table learned a bit,
So back I went, on a carpool
To Santa Rosa Middle School
To stuff my brain with odds and ends
And in high school begin again
Upon a day filled with good cheer,
For being that great time of year,
I started ‘cause I had forgot
The forecasts were less and less hot
That summer was now near its close
Thus gone were all the summer clothes,
And so mid-August drew quite near
I tried to hide away in fear
Of a new year of middle school
That loomed before me calm and cool
Forgot were essays of all manners
Forgotten were those silly planners,
All thoughts of grammar, and the ban
On all deod’rant in a can
My mind eliminated all
Of education great and small:
Circumference, diameter,
And iambic tetrameter
But now I rhyme like Puritans
The words are now all slurred in,
Because the new year has begun,
And though it may not be so fun,
I’ve learned a lot, and so have you,
Like algebra and science too
During the summer (this is why
To middle school returned was I),
I spoke no Spanish, nor read lit,
Nor at my table learned a bit,
So back I went, on a carpool
To Santa Rosa Middle School
To stuff my brain with odds and ends
And in high school begin again
Come on. You know that was cool. I may not have fully fulfilled the requirements of the assignment (i.e. traumatizing), but I immensely enjoyed writing it. The reason for the slight poetic license in word pronunciation is that Anne Bradstreet used similar devices and therefore it is hilarious. The reason I went for thirty-two lines was because it's a power of 2. And really, who can resist such a thing, especially when one finds it just an eensy bit above the minimum requirement.
So, on the topic of Syrup Suicide, no progress has been made whatsoever in the past 3 months... Jujube Jones, it turns out, was only joining as a joke, so we are now five (more efficient). I suppose I did record one short (1:31) song that I had written a while ago, but being the selfish egomaniac that I am, I credited it to Vanilla Bean Speck only.
My ancestry, for some reason, became exceptionally important to me, and I did nothing but go backward and backward in time for quite a while. There were two points where I did reach fifteenth-century England, but one was on step. I can trace my roots to Switzerland, Germany, Austria, Ireland, and England. It's awesome! I went back like 14 generations!
My ancestry, for some reason, became exceptionally important to me, and I did nothing but go backward and backward in time for quite a while. There were two points where I did reach fifteenth-century England, but one was on step. I can trace my roots to Switzerland, Germany, Austria, Ireland, and England. It's awesome! I went back like 14 generations!
So recently my dad and I went to a McDonald's, and it was awful. You see, the price of our food seemed high, so my dad asked the guy doing the drive-thru about it, and he had no clue. So that guy called in a superior, and they talked about the situation. His superior then turned to us and told us that if we got large drinks instead of medium, it would be cheaper for us. Apparently, under the combo system, the combos are economic, but if the meal is incompatible, such as a large McNuggets and a medium drink, it is less economic than the large combo. We were like, "What the hell?" but we went for the cheaper option. Those nuggets made me puke later; It was obviously a curse.
I ate my Thanksgiving dinner in the remote ghost town of Saratoga, CA. It was delicious. That is not very substantial coverage of something that wasn't very substantial to begin with (unless you're talking about the increase in my weight), but I felt it had to be said so I could use the extreme hypobole of "remote ghost town" to describe a town that is really not such.
On November 16th and 17th, I fasted for thirty hours to raise money for starving people in Indonesia. It was with an organization called World Vision, and it was held in the First Presbyterian Church of Santa Rosa. If you're ever not busy around that time of year, come by and be heroic like me (Did I mention I was a selfish egomaniac?).
My sister Terri and my cousin Kris came to stay here over Thanksgiving Break. I played all sorts of games with them, went to see movies and stuff. It was great fun. Kris turned me on to the greatest Beatles album, which I think brings us to our next topic, doesn't it?
Abbey Road is totally the best Beatles album. I've listened to the entire thing probably ten times now. I got it on the 25th, and it's been in heavy rotation on my iPod since. Favorite songs include "Maxwell's Silver Hammer," "I Want You (She's So Heavy)," "Here Comes the Sun," "Polythene Pam," and "Her Majesty." But the entire album is amazing; it's like they're just continuously playing as opposed to separately recording each track. AWESOME.
My brother and I have spent a lot of time playing 1080 Avalanche for GameCube. That game is really amazing. The levels are incredibly well-designed, with multiple tiers and clever shortcuts. I bet no one reading this could beat the times of 48.61 s for Tenderfoot Pass and 50.83 for Frosty Shadows... Huh? Yeah, I didn't think so.
I saw lots of movies. So, how did you like that summary of the last 85 days? I'd say they were pretty good.
Yesterday I returned from Pennsylvania and the annual Hoberg family reunion. First I flew to Philadelphia, then drove to my aunt and uncle's house, where I spent two nights before driving to my great-uncle's lodge in the Poconos, where I stayed for a week with some of my extended family, whom I'm sure you would love to hear about, so I'll give you a quick rundown of the tree. 